What they have never told you about looking for mushrooms

Is there the perfect plan to look for mushrooms? Expectation vs. Reality? Are your mycological experiences more like a Tim Burton movie or a Decathlon ad? Today we tell you everything that is not said about looking for mushrooms.

One beautiful autumn morning dawns, Van Morrison is playing on the radio with his brown-eyed girl and you think today is going to be. You wake up with a kiss to your partner and you whisper something like today is the big day. Between laughs and toast you begin to tell him your perfect plan: today you will fill the basket with mushrooms!! From his face you can see that you are too excited and that it is only 8 in the morning, it doesn't matter, there is a long day ahead to enjoy. And as your grandmother has always told you "God helps those who get up early".

It is time to start equipping yourself and only one word comes to mind: trekking. Or that's what you read in that great corridor from where you were taking one of each. Although during the last month you promised yourself to join the gym again, the reality is that this year you haven't even run to catch the bus, and when you put on your shoes for a moment you wonder if perhaps 4 hours of walking are too long, it doesn't matter, Today is the big day.

You are ready and you have everything prepared: a small lunch, the baskets, two knives, a roll of paper, a pencil and a notebook. 3 years ago when you came back with the drawings of those species you didn't know it was like playing Pictionary (although I had the Dicciopinta) with Juan Carlos.

And there you go, the mountains await you! You synchronize that podcast that you heard months ago about where to go looking for mushrooms in Madrid and repeat like a mantra: I'm going to find mushrooms, I'm going to find mushrooms, I'm going to find mushrooms... if it worked with Bitelchus why not with mushrooms? But suddenly you find yourself in the same traffic jam that you experienced on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... because today is Sunday, it's November, and it's a wonderful sunny day, and thousands of people from Madrid have had the same idea as you . So you decide to change your plans, change stands and go on an adventure, today it's time to experiment.

After two and a half hours by car you arrive at the last corner of the world, at least that's what it seems to you, where there are only a couple of cars. You get off, load the trekking equipment and before starting you breathe, you are already where you wanted to be, or quite similar, if it were not for the fact that this shady area is quite flooded from the rains this week and your new trekking boots would have preferred to stay in the bench and that those old katiuskas had jumped onto the pitch.

Suddenly you see one of those married couples who are between 50 and 80 years old, remain perfect, and come back with beautiful baskets full of boletus. Good ride, they tell you smiling as they take off their boots and get into the car. You smile with envy because they have achieved it, they have overcome the crisis of the empty basket and they proudly go for that much-desired first beer in the morning. Nothing happens, you zip up your parka, take the basket and with a knife in hand you begin to go through the woods in search of the precious treasure.

At the fifth stone that you try to cut you learn the difference between stones and mushrooms, we are prospering, and you keep walking, you walk... and suddenly, in the distance, a small light attracts you, you smile and start a clumsy run towards your treasure waving the knife while you scream mine, mine, mine! 3 steps before throwing yourself to the ground for it, you discover that it is not on the ground but on top of a moñiga, looking at you, it almost seems to smile ironically at you, however while your brain sends signals to your body to stop something fails, they will be the boots, you knew you had to buy one less size, your feet collide with each other, the razor shoots around, your body begins a slight ascent and then begins a slow and awkward fall, and just at the moment you realize beaten and you imagine a scene from Leo Bassi, a glimpse of your athletic complexion makes you put your hands in front of your face and save the blow, and dignity.

Luckily, you knew it was your lucky day and you decide to take that mushroom, which has magically saved you, although in another post we will discuss the type of magic hidden in its psychotropic and hallucinogenic substances. With your hallucinogenic mushroom in hand, you raise it, your figure appears silhouetted among the clouds and you swear to Scarlett O'hara never to go on a mushroom trail without a professional. Do not suffer, the Cuenqueando girls are here to save your autumns from the crisis of empty baskets. See you on the next Mycological Route!

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